The Truth About Suicide – The Myths, the Facts, and How to Recognize the Signs
In recognition of Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and in light of the impact of suicide on Canadians, I felt called to dedicate this month’s blog to debunking the myths and conveying the facts around both suicide and how we can recognize the signs of suicidal ideation.
With that said, I want to acknowledge that the information provided in this blog may be triggering for you if you are currently struggling with suicidal thoughts or are grieving as a result of a death by suicide. If you are concerned about how this blog may impact you, but you desire to read it, I encourage you to read it with a trusted family member or friend.
Suicide is a topic of conversation that is generally off-limits in our culture. Not only does it generate many conflicting feelings like anger, shame, confusion, and fear, there is a significant stigma that makes it challenging to talk about and often prevents those who are struggling with suicidal thoughts to seek help.
Here are some statistics on suicide according to the Public Health Agency of Canada:
On average 11 people die by suicide every day
On average 210 people attempt suicide every day
On average 4000 people die by suicide every year
It is the second leading cause of death for children and youth aged 10-19 and young adults aged 20-29
It is the third leading cause of death for adults aged 30-44
It is the seventh leading cause of death for adults aged 45-64
It is the twelfth leading cause of death for older adults aged 65+
Males account for 70-80% of suicides between the ages of 15-65+
It is important to acknowledge the fact that suicide is a leading cause of death for both youth and adults in Canada, and disproportionately for boys and men.
It is important to ask ourselves the question “Why?” In an earlier blog I wrote titled “Grief, Suicide, and the Coronavirus: Our Silent Pandemic and What We Can Do About It”, I spoke about the social programming in childhood and adolescence that impacts how we identify, express, and communicate emotions.
My focus in this blog is to identify the myths that prevent people from seeking support as well as the myths around suicide so that we can better prepare ourselves moving forward.
According to The Grief Recovery Institute, we hear repeated messages in childhood that sad or painful feelings should not be shared or communicated with others. These are often expressed through the six myths,
1. Don’t feel bad
2. Replace the Loss
3. Grieve Alone
4. Time Heals All Wounds
5. Be Strong and
6. Keep Busy
More specifically after a loss children hear things like “suck it up”, “stop crying”, “big boys/girls don’t cry”, “don’t worry, everything will be okay”, “it’s not that bad”, “things could be worse”, “they are in a better place now”, “you need to be strong for your mother/father”, “we will get you a new one”, and “here, have a cookie you’ll feel better.”
These intellectual comments minimize the normal and natural feelings that a young child will experience. And over time, these repeated messages of emotional denial and avoidance become imbedded into their belief system about how to acknowledge and process painful feelings should they experience another loss.
Most of us have learned to avoid, minimize, and escape our painful feelings as opposed to identify, honour, and communicate them to someone we trust. We have been taught to distract ourselves using substances and behaviours that offer short-term relief from the pain.
According to The Grief Recovery Institute, these short-term energy relieving behaviours (STERBs) may include:
Food
Alcohol
Recreational or prescription drugs
Smoking or vaping
Gambling
Shopping
Sex
Work
Exercise
Fantasy (movies, books, gaming)
Electronics
Social media
Sleep
Isolation
Anger and
Approval-seeking
Most people who struggle with suicidal thoughts suffer silently; carrying the emotional weight of the cumulative impact of past traumas and losses in addition to present struggles for which they feel hopeless about their future. They may be struggling as a result of a death, divorce, loss of trust, job, business, or financial loss, loss of health or diagnosis, legal issues, childhood abuse or neglect, or any other loss experience.
And because they are taught to “be strong” and “cry alone” following a loss, they often turn to STERBs to cope with the pain, loneliness, and isolation they are carrying inside. Their fear of judgment, coupled with the shame they carry about their emotions makes admitting their struggles and asking for help nearly impossible to do.
It is important to acknowledge that we don’t just “get over” a loss. When we attempt to deny our painful feelings or avoid processing the impact of a trauma, we end up carrying the unresolved pain and emotional energy of that experience with us, everywhere we go. It doesn’t just go away.
Please hear this – It’s okay to not be okay! Having sad and painful feelings is a part of the human experience.
My father died by suicide nearly a decade ago. Like many others who have lost their lives to suicide, he too suffered silently. I know in my heart, if he had been given the correct tools to acknowledge his emotions and process the pain of his past, particularly the unspeakable childhood abuse and neglect he experienced, he would still be here today.
When we cultivate environments within our families and support networks that feel safe to open up about painful and difficult experiences, we reduce the stigma around suicide, allow others to feel heard and seen in their experience, and provide opportunity to seek professional support.
According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness, debunking the myths of suicide equips us with a deeper understanding of the facts and how to recognize the signs of suicidal ideation in others.
Here are 5 of the most common myths and facts about suicide:
Myth #1: Suicide only affects individuals with a mental health condition.
Fact: Not all individuals diagnosed with a mental illness experience suicidal thoughts and not all individuals who die by suicide have a mental illness. Many individuals die by suicide as a result of significant losses including the death of a loved one, divorce, relationship problems, job loss, loss of home, criminal or legal matters, trauma, abuse, a debilitating illness, or recent or impending crises.
Myth #2: Once an individual is suicidal, he or she will always remain suicidal.
Fact: Active suicidal thoughts are often short-term and situation-specific. They are not permanent. With the proper intervention and treatment, suicidal thoughts can dissipate and the underlying pain leading to the suicidal thoughts can be addressed.
Myth #3: Most suicides happen suddenly and without warning.
Fact: Warning signs, both verbally and non-verbally, precede most suicides. Many individuals who are suicidal only show warning signs to those closest to them, but because these signs are difficult to recognize and interpret, their death can feel sudden and without warning.
Myth #4: People who die by suicide are selfish and take the easy way out.
Fact: People who die by suicide don’t generally want to end their life they just want to end their pain. Their suffering is so deep that they feel helpless and hopeless about their future. The last thing they are often thinking about is how their actions will impact those around them. And to be frank, many of them believe that their families will be better off without them.
Myth #5: Talking about suicide will lead to and encourage suicide.
Fact: There is a significant stigma associated with suicide and as a result, many people are afraid to talk about it. Talking about it not only reduces the stigma, but also allows and encourages individuals to seek help and share their experience with others. We all would benefit from talking more about suicide.
By debunking these common myths about suicide, we can look at those who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts with more love, compassion, and understanding. And by speaking up about it, we can reduce stigma and advocate for mental and emotional health within our communities. There are suicide hotlines and accessible mental health services in our community dedicated to increasing suicide awareness, prevention, and support.
Lastly, I want to highlight how suicidal ideation may present itself so that you feel more prepared should you recognize the signs in someone you know.
According to the Mayo Clinic, here is a list of common suicide warning signs:
Talking about suicide by making comments like "I wish I were dead”, “I'm going to kill myself," or "I wish I hadn't been born."
Establishing the means to die (ie. buying a gun or stockpiling pills)
Social withdrawal and isolation from others
Frequent mood swings including severe anxiety or agitation
Preoccupation with death, dying, or violence
Feeling trapped or hopeless about a situation
Increased use of alcohol or drugs
Change in routine, including eating or sleeping patterns
High-risk or self-destructive behaviours, including drug use and driving recklessly
Getting affairs in order and giving away belongings
Saying goodbye to others as if they won’t be seen again and
Personality changes
By equipping ourselves with the knowledge regarding the myths, facts, and warning signs of suicide we can be more alert to the risk factors in those around us and intervene before any action is taken.
If someone you know is exhibiting any of the above warning signs of suicide, don’t be afraid to ask if they are having thoughts of killing themselves. Being forward in your questioning not only communicates your care and concern for the person but it may be the catalyst for them seeking the professional support they need to process their pain and suffering.
I am so passionate about bringing awareness to suicide because of how deeply my father’s death impacted me, that I have created a campaign in honour of his 10-year anniversary of his death in November 2020. I will be sharing more details in the weeks to come about how you can support this campaign and help bring awareness to suicide prevention and support in our community.
Please help me to increase awareness of the myths, facts, and warning signs of suicide by sharing this blog on your social networks and by initiating conversations with your loved ones and friends. We can all benefit from this information and discussion.
In Love and Service,
Ashley Mielke
If you are currently contemplating suicide and require immediate support, you can call the Distress Line at 780-482-HELP or Crisis Services Canada at 1-888-456-4566.
If you are seeking grief support, our healing team at The Grief and Trauma Healing Centre is available to support you. We offer sliding scale services to meet your financial needs. Visit us at www.healmyheart.ca for more information. Alternatively, you can email us at info@healmyheart.ca or call 780-288-8011.
Additionally, The Canadian Mental Health Association offers suicide grief support services including bereavement groups and workshops. For more information visit edmonton.cmha.ca.
References:
https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/suicide/symptoms-causes/syc-20378048
https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/September-2018/5-Common-Myths-About-Suicide-Debunked
About Ashley Mielke
Ashley Mielke is a Registered Psychologist, Advanced Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, and Founder and Director of The Grief and Trauma Healing Centre Inc. in Edmonton, AB. Ashley is also an international speaker and the exclusive Canadian Certification Trainer for The Grief Recovery Institute.
Ashley is a heart-centred, purpose-driven leader, with a deep passion for serving others who have experienced loss of any kind. Ashley was called to her purpose in the wake of a number of painful losses in her own life, including the tragic suicide of her father. Ashley’s personal healing fueled her passion to empower others to move beyond the pain caused by loss and reclaim their sense of meaning and well-being. Nothing makes Ashley feel more alive than the opportunity to impact others lives through the shared human experience of loss.
Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/vXxPNk8QIsA