The first day of school is often one of the most exciting days of the year, not just for students, but also for teachers. Normally, we spend the summer planning and thinking about how to make the upcoming year our best and most rewarding yet. We vow to keep up with the marking, try new things and we look forward to connecting with new students. 

This year, however, the school year will start a lot differently, and there’s nothing we can do to change that. As the idea of masks, social distancing and sanitizing pervade our thoughts, it’s hard not to think about how much harder our jobs will be, as well as how much we will miss what teaching has always been for us. Regardless if you are an elementary, junior or senior high school teacher, things will be different. And it’s ok to feel a variety of emotions connected to that. 

The Grief Recovery InstituteⓇ  defines grief as “the normal and natural reaction to loss” and “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in familiar pattern of behaviour.” Collectively, as teachers, teaching assistants, administrators and support staff, we are all grieving what our school year will be like. The familiarity of those back-to-school hugs, smiles and kids energy will be missing. Instead, it has been replaced by the conflicting emotions of sadness, worry and fear as we figure out how to start the school year safely. 

Many of us are also still grieving how the last school year ended. It feels incomplete. Although we adapted and created ways to celebrate our students, recognize their accomplishments and say goodbye, it wasn’t the same. Our students may still be grieving their own events- school performances, sports teams, and the graduations they had dreamed of. These are all normal and valid hopes, dreams and expectations that we are grieving. 

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear

There are so many myths we hear, and are struggling with right now. As teachers and school staff, we have this belief that we have to be the strong ones for our students. While this is true, we are already strong and it is normal to be feeling whatever it is that we are feeling. It is perfectly acceptable to be feeling disappointed, sad, anxious, or whatever else you might be experiencing. You are not alone in this. Reach out, connect with your colleagues, and see that you are supported. 

There is also the myth that if we just give it some time, everything will be ok. Time is not going to heal our collective and individual hearts. Time won’t give us back the loss of routine or the abrupt ending that happened last year. It won’t give us back the graduations, the sports teams, or the year-end activities we expected, nor will it make last year feel complete. Time isn’t going to make us feel safe or relieved, or give us back the first day of school we hoped and dreamed about. 

These myths are just that- false beliefs, stories, aimed at trying to make us feel better. But they don’t. So what does help? How do we move forward? 

What Next? 

As teachers, educational assistants, support staff and administrators, there are some critical ways we can help us begin this new school year. First, it’s important to recognize that all of our feelings are valid and worthy of being acknowledged. Although not everyone will feel the same as us with regards to COVID-19, and the level of safety precautions, we are all in this profession for the sake of the students. We come to school with open hearts and it’s important we extend this care to each other. 

With so much uncertainty, it is also important that you look after yourself, as best and however you can. This looks different for everybody. For some, it may be a walk outside in the fresh air. For others, it might mean a hot bath and good night’s sleep. Taking care of yourself can include preparing and eating healthy meals, or a yoga or mindfulness practice. Whatever it is, before we can show up for our students, we need to show up for ourselves. 

Be Gentle on Yourself and on Your Students

As educators, we hold high expectations of ourselves and our students. We want to show up everyday at our best. We expect our students to perform, learn, and do their best. But right now, it’s important to know that our best and their best may not be the same level that we are used to. And that’s ok. We are all grieving. It’s important that we listen and ask questions; we approach this year with curiosity and an open heart, and with understanding. 

Short-term energy relieving behaviours (STERBs) are ways we all cope with grief. As adults, you may find yourself avoiding those tough emotions by having an extra glass of wine or eating that bag of chips. You might end up binge-watching a new series or burying yourself in your work. Some people also avoid or numb their grief through video-gaming or with angry outbursts. Children and youth may also exhibit these behaviours as a way of coping with their grief. 

Throughout our career, most of us have had one or two students, who, every year we’ve needed to treat with “kid gloves.” This year, it’s likely that we will have many many more of those  needing “kid gloves”, many more who are grieving. Some families will be experiencing stress unlike they have ever faced before. As such, our students will need us to be the soft place to land. Students who are grieving are most often in need of connection and someone to listen. 

Grieving students may not be able to focus or concentrate; they may act out in class. They may have trouble remembering things, doing homework, or following directions. These are all normal symptoms of grief. As educators, we can support these students by building our relationships with them, offering them a listening ear and letting them know we care. 

Soft and Strong

As another school year sets to begin, a lot is being asked of teachers and school staff. While we have always been the strong one for our students and their families, it is important to recognize that we may be experiencing conflicting emotions such as disappointment, sadness, worry and excitement. Our feelings are valid, and as educators, we can model that for our students. Admitting that we are experiencing grief and that there are many ways to cope with it is just one way that will help. Knowing that it’s important we take care of ourselves so that we can also support our students is key. We cannot give from an empty cup! Establishing strong connections and maintaining an open heart and mind will also help see us through this. Remembering that we also need a soft place to land, in addition to being a soft place to land, will help us remain balanced and strong during this time of unrest. 

Recommendations

For more information of what to expect of grieving children or how to best support them as we embark on a new school year, I recommend When Children Grieve by John W. James and Russell Friedman and Kids These Days by Dr. Jody Carrington. 

Upcoming Events: Kim will be hosting a 90 minute workshop titled Covid, Grief, and the Classroom: What Educators Need to Know and How They Can Best Prepare on Saturday, September 12th, 2020 at 10am MT. To sign up for this workshop, click here!

About Kimberly Hamilton

Kimberly Hamilton is a Registered Provisional Psychologist, Grief Recovery SpecialistⓇ and has twenty years of experience as a teacher and school counsellor. She is very passionate about how to support grieving students and believes in the power of the teacher-student relationship. 

Kimberly has taught students both in Canada and Mexico, from a variety of backgrounds and one thing has remained constant: children are grieving and teachers don’t know how to support them. She has found much joy in spreading the message and empowering teachers through small, actionable steps and validating the experiences of students. 

If you are a teacher, administrator or school division and would like Kim to present for your team, please contact The Grief and Trauma Healing Centre for more information. 

Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/OyCl7Y4y0Bk